Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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