I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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