Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
