you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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