Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
