Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
