That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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