i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
