Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
