why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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