why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
