is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
