The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Rumble strips road head = magical
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
