my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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