cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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