I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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