More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
