i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
