So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
