Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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