Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
