I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
