he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
