i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
