There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
