just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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