it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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