my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
