About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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