I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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