I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
