Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
3 2 1 whiskey
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
