I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
