What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
