It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
