my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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