Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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