I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
