So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
