I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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