She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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