i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
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I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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