Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
