just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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