What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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