I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize