Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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