So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
