Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
