He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
