I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
