my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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