How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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