I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
