in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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