Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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