So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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