woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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