"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
