you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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