Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
