I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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