Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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