I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
