Cold hands, warm shart.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
