well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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