I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
