K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We left an ass print on the piano.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
