yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
