No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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