We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
